


passione segreta in b minor, part one

by anirondack



Series: 10 Kinks Challenge [5]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Breathplay, Choking, Dom Katsuki Yuuri, Experimentation, Explicit Consent, Hand Jobs, M/M, Research, Risk Aware Consensual Kink, Trust, Trust Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-14
Updated: 2017-03-14
Packaged: 2018-10-03 09:47:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10241888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anirondack/pseuds/anirondack
Summary: “What about you? What’s something you always wanted to try?”“Me? Hmm.” Victor toys with a bit of Yuuri’s hair. “Maybe… I always kind of wanted someone to choke me during sex.”Yuuri’s eyes widen a little.“Not too hard,” Victor continues. “Just a little bit. Have you ever held your breath when you masturbate? It makes your climax stronger.”“I… don’t think I have.”“You should try. It’s a bit of a rush, honestly. And like you said, it’s not the same when you do it yourself.”“You’ve never tried it with someone else?” Yuuri asks, gently curious.Victor shakes his head. “I never trusted anyone else enough to ask for it.”





	

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the 10 Kinks Challenge. Kink is "breathplay".
> 
> opinions about breathplay and choking are varied in the bdsm community and i'm not advocating for any one in particular. remember to stay safe and do your research, kids.
> 
> i also think that it doesn't make a lot of sense that yuuri never went to the olympics, considering he's japan's best and only male figure skater, but yuuri said that the 2014 gpf was the first time he'd competed against victor so. shrug emoji.
> 
> sorry for the delay, there's a big project in the works that i'm hoping to get posted in the next week

Every night, before they go to sleep, Victor and Yuuri like to lie in bed together and talk for a while. They lie on their sides, facing each other, Victor’s hand usually folded in Yuuri’s, Makkachin sleeping between them. They talk, because it’s been a year, but there are still so many things they don’t know about each other because skating had to come first.

Last night they talked about what they wanted to do as children. Victor always knew he wanted to skate, but he had dreams of being an astronaut as well; Yuuri kind of wanted to be a dancer, and had a brief spate with Yuuko where they wanted to be lion tamers and then cuddle with the lions.

Tonight, Victor presses his forehead against Yuuri’s and closes his eyes and talks about some roommates in the Olympics, six years ago, who got in trouble with the Olympic village for having so much sex they broke a hole in a wall. Yuuri laughs and strokes Victor’s side as he listens.

“That’s pretty intense,” he says. “Why would they do that?”

“Everyone has a lot of sex at the Olympics,” Victor says, not adding whether he was one of those people. “It’s very exciting, I think, surrounded by all of those people who are so beautiful and passionate.”

“I don’t know if I’d want to do that,” Yuuri murmurs. “I know I like some things, but breaking drywall isn’t one of them.”

“And what things would those be, then?” Victor asks, light and teasing. Yuuri flushes a little. “Don’t be shy, you know I want to hear them all.”

“Victor,” Yuuri mumbles.

“Just one little thing. I’ll tell you one too.” Victor’s fingers stroke along Yuuri’s cheek and tilt his head up a little to put an inch of space between them so he can see Yuuri’s eyes.

“Well…” Yuuri’s still pink, but he doesn’t try to hide himself away. “Okay.”

Victor lights up and kisses Yuuri’s nose.

“I always thought I would like, you know… Being teased. But not in a mean way, in a physical way. When you’re not allowed to finish. Have you ever done that?”

“When you bring yourself to the edge and then stop, right?”

“Yeah, like that. I’ve done it myself, but it’s not the same.” Yuuri looks a little wistful. “I think I would really like that.”

“I’m very glad to hear that,” Victor says. He nuzzles the tip of his nose against Yuuri’s. “Thank you for telling me. You’re very brave.”

Yuuri smiles ruefully. He knows he’s being teased right now, but it’s very gentle, so he doesn’t mind.

“What about you? What’s something you always wanted to try?”

“Me? Hmm.” Victor toys with a bit of Yuuri’s hair. “Maybe… I always kind of wanted someone to choke me during sex.”

Yuuri’s eyes widen a little.

“Not too hard,” Victor continues. “Just a little bit. Have you ever held your breath when you masturbate? It makes your climax stronger.”

“I… don’t think I have.”

“You should try. It’s a bit of a rush, honestly. And like you said, it’s not the same when you do it yourself.”

“You’ve never tried it with someone else?” Yuuri asks, gently curious.

Victor shakes his head. “I never trusted anyone else enough to ask for it.”

Yuuri’s expression softens a little. He leans forward and gives Victor a soft kiss. “Thank you for telling me,” he echoes.

Victor gives him a small, gentle smile. He looks a little vulnerable, a little sleep-soft and warm. Yuuri moves his hand to Victor’s shoulder and rubs the muscles a little, trying to loosen them up.

“Tell me more about the Olympics,” Yuuri says. “I’ve never been.”

“It’s amazing,” Victor murmurs. “It’s an incredible feeling.”

He talks some more about the Vancouver Olympics, and then his first time, in Italy, when he was brand new to Seniors. Yuuri feels a little jealous, but at the same time, he feels nostalgic, because he remembers watching Victor skate in both of those competitions on television and it’s kind of nice to hear about it from the other side.

Victor nods off in the middle of a story about getting drunk with Stéphane Lambiel and Yuuri pulls the blanket up higher on his shoulder and reaches back to turn out the light. He looks at the pale outline of Victor’s throat and touches his fingers to it with the barest amount of pressure. He tries to imagine his palm fitting snugly against Victor’s windpipe and pressing down. Victor sighs in his sleep and snuggles closer to Yuuri, squishing Makkachin between their legs. Yuuri’s fingers move to Victor’s hair and he tucks a strand behind Victor’s ear. It does mean a lot that Victor trusts him enough to share a secret like that. Yuuri will find a way to make it up to him.

He opens an incognito window on his laptop, later in the week, when they’re lounging around after practice, tired and sore and damp from showers. Victor is reading a book and occasionally swatting Makkachin’s tail out of the way. Makkachin wants to be in both of their laps, so his head is on Yuuri’s thigh and his ass is on Victor’s and every so often, he wags his tail directly into Victor’s face. Yuuri thinks it’s very funny, but it’s hard to laugh when he has seven different tabs about sexual choking open.

The first few scare him. His eyes get wider as he reads about all of the possible side effects of a crushed larynx. He reads tirades against it and horror stories of people who accidentally choked themselves to death. His face gets red, and then pale. He couldn’t do that to Victor.

Then he finds something called RACK, and diagrams of the artery and the vein in the neck. He turns off his volume and finds a video of a woman very non-sexually gesturing along her own throat, touching the sides and saying something that Yuuri can’t read on her lips. He touches his own neck with the backs of his knuckles.

The key seems to be to avoid the center of the throat entirely. Yuuri traces a line from one side of his neck to the other, and then back again. His hand span is wide enough that he can touch either side without much pressure in the middle. The webbing of his thumb and his index finger would brush, but it wouldn’t do much of anything.

He tells Victor he’s going to take a nap. Victor demands a kiss first, but then lets him go and turns Makkachin around. Yuuri scoops up his laptop and heads into the bedroom and closes the door, then restarts the video and turns the volume on low.

He copies the woman’s motions to place his thumb against his pulse, to arc his hand over his windpipe and press his middle finger into the other side. His index finger braces against his jaw to keep his palm from dropping down. The other two fingers are just for balance. He takes a deep breath and he squeezes a little and then takes another deep breath and finds that he can actually breathe pretty much unimpeded. The video - and every other website - remind him that he can’t actually cut off any air. A couple recommend a palm over the nose and mouth for five or ten seconds, if the breathing part is what they’re looking to play with, but Yuuri doesn’t really even want to do that.

He tries the grip on himself again, adjusting his thumb down and his fingers up. He squeezes a little and counts slowly in his head. He’s not sure what to expect, really, but after about ten seconds, he starts to feel a little more present in his hands. He breathes out slowly, and then breathes in slowly, and then lets go, and he thinks he gets a little bit of a rush. It feels– good, sort of, in a way that’s difficult to describe. Yuuri rolls onto his side and starts the video over, lines up his fingers like the woman does, and squeezes again.

He practices for a while, taking breaks in between because his research says that that’s important. He reads a little more - it’s a slight restriction of oxygen to the brain instead of air to the lungs. It allows him to feel the lack much quicker, and it lets him keep breathing and it makes sure nothing fragile gets broken. Yuuri reads that a count of twenty is probably alright, but he sets himself a mental limit of ten. He tries again, palm resting gently against the hollow of his throat, and just holds himself with no pressure there. That feels good too - it’s also extremely present, but without even squeezing. Yuuri actually kind of likes this part. He can definitely do this to Victor, and maybe even a little pressure on the sides too, if everything goes well.

He practices his grip again, sighing as his body comes into focus a little more, like it was blurry before and he didn’t notice. He wonders what it would be like if he touched himself, like Victor said, squeezing his own throat and holding his breath and working his cock. The grip doesn’t really make him want to try very hard, but he could get behind the gentle pressure of his own palm.

He closes all the tabs and, even though he was using an incognito window, he clears his browsing history too. Then he sets the laptop on his side of the bed’s side table and rolls over onto his stomach, curling up with Victor’s pillow. He doesn’t realize how tired he is from practice until he wakes up to Victor gently shaking him and prodding him into the kitchen for dinner.

Yuuri holds onto this newfound knowledge for a couple days. After the initial confidence of knowing what he’s going to do and how he's going to do it, he gets anxious again, rereading the bad stories and the warnings about people with crushed windpipes in the hospital. He practices again, making sure he can wiggle a finger between his throat and his hand. He’s not in danger of breaking anything, but every warning makes him feel like he’s about to crush something vital just by touching it.

At night, Victor admits another fantasy, that he heard about someone being stepped on by a woman in stilettos and was fascinated. Yuuri give him back the gift of hiding behind his hands and shyly mumbling something about rope bondage being beautiful and intricate and intimate, and then they talk about Yuuri’s mother’s recipes because Victor misses her cooking and he knows Yuuri does too.

When Victor is asleep, Yuuri promises himself that he’ll be brave enough to reward Victor’s honesty.

Anxiety gets the better of him, and then he gets the better of it.

He pushes Victor back in bed one night, after having rehearsed the slow arc of Victor’s body at least five times in his head. Victor’s head bounces against the pillow and his bangs fluff up a little. He reaches up for Yuuri’s shoulders, but Yuuri catches his wrists and pins them down to the mattress.

“Feisty,” Victor says, grinning. Yuuri looks down at him seriously, and the grin fades, bit by bit. “Are you alright, my Yuuri?”

“Do you trust me?” Yuuri finds himself asking.

“Do I– yes, absolutely,” Victor says. “Of course I trust you.”

“Okay. Good.” Yuuri strokes his thumb along the inside of one of Victor’s wrists. “I want to try something.”

“Okay,” Victor says. He doesn’t sound hesitant, necessarily, but a little more on guard. He can see Yuuri’s nerves, but Yuuri is more determined than he is anxious and he wants to make this good for Victor.

“I did some research,” he says. “About what you told me, when you said you wanted– when you wanted to be choked. During sex.”

Victor’s eyes widen a little, and then Yuuri can see the precise moment that it clicks and his pupils dilate, growing abruptly much, much wider than before.

“I did say that,” Victor says. His voice already sounds a little bit strained. He flexes his wrists in Yuuri’s grip, but he doesn’t try to break it. “What did you learn?”

“How to do it to you,” Yuuri says bluntly.

“Oh.” It’s a very breathy word, and it escapes Victor with little input on the part of Victor’s brain. “And, how– how did you learn to do it?”

“I can show you,” Yuuri says, “if you promise not to move your hands.”

Victor nods eagerly. His face is a little slack, but his eyes are dark and intent and the blue is being edged out very quickly. Yuuri’s not feeling for Victor’s cock, but he’d bet that that’s interested as well.

“Okay. Well. You take your thumb–” Yuuri pulls one hand away from Victor’s wrist and places his thumb against his own neck. “And then you reach around with your fingers and you find your pulse.” He wraps his hand around his own throat, palm resting flush against his skin. It feels nice. “And then you pull back, just a little bit, with your wrist.” He shifts his hand so there’s a tiny bit of space between his palm and the front of his throat. “And then you squeeze.”

He squeezes his own throat, with just his middle finger and his thumb. The tendons in the back of his hand shift, and Victor lets out a soft, but audible whimper.

“You really want this,” Yuuri notes, with quiet awe.

Victor nods a little. His fingers are curling in a little, nails biting into his palms.

“I’ll show you again,” Yuuri says, slowly dropping his hand from his throat. He reaches for Victor and brushes his knuckles along the line of Victor’s collarbone. Victor shudders and his eyes slip closed. “No. Look at me.”

They snap open again and search out Yuuri’s face. Yuuri holds Victor’s gaze, pinning him down with intent and nothing else, and Victor lets himself be held. He’s already nearly panting, just at the idea of a hand around his throat. A small part of Yuuri can’t believe that he never knew that Victor wanted this so much, but the rest is focused on stroking the pad of his thumb from Victor’s chin all the way down to his chest.

“Never stop looking at me,” Yuuri orders him. “Never take your eyes off me.”

Victor nods a little. He swallows hard. He lifts his chin, but he never takes his eyes off Yuuri.

“Good. Okay. I’ll walk you through it again. First, you take your thumb–” This time, he slides his thumb up Victor’s throat instead of his own. Victor’s breath hitches audibly. Yuuri feels around until he finds Victor’s pulse, which is tripping a little. “And you hold it there, and then you take your fingers and you reach around.”

He reaches his fingers across the expanse of Victor’s throat to the other side. Victor shudders and his eyelids droop and then force themselves back open. He isn’t taking his eyes off of Yuuri for anything.

Yuuri finds Victor’s pulse on the other side and presses in a little. Victor’s throat is slimmer than his own, so he doesn’t even need to pull back.

“Then check that there’s space,” Yuuri says, letting go of Victor’s other wrist to nudge his pinky between Victor’s neck and the webbing of his hand. “And there is. And then you squeeze, just a little.”

He squeezes, with his thumb and his middle finger, the others again used for balance, and the effect is nearly instantaneous. Victor chokes out a moan and arches up and Yuuri as to use his hips and his weight to push him back down. Victor sucks in a breath, and his eyes drift from Yuuri to some non focus point as he contemplates the fact that he _can_ take a breath, but then Yuuri releases the pressure from his fingers and digs in a little with his thumb to get his attention.

“Look at me.”

Victor looks at him. The blue of his irises are slivers. His eyes are wide. His lips are slightly parted.

His cock is pressing up against Yuuri’s ass, and it’s very hard.

Yuuri didn’t hold for ten seconds, but he lets go of all the pressure anyway. He rests his palm against Victor’s neck, and he feels Victor swallow.

“What does it feel like?” he asks.

Victor licks dry lips. “Very… real. Very _there_.”

“I thought so too.”

“You… did it on yourself?”

“I had to make sure I could do it for you.”

Victor goes a little pink at that. Yuuri thinks he might think that it was a gesture, but then Victor grinds up against him and he realizes it’s a lot baser than that.

“You want me to touch you,” Yuuri half-asks. Really, it’s an observation. Victor is practically drooling for it.

“Yes, Yuuri, yes,” Victor breathes immediately in one big rush of air.

Yuuri scoots back and lets go of Victor’s throat for a moment so he can tug Victor’s pants and underwear down his thighs. He doesn’t bother taking them off all the way, and he can kind of see the appeal of having them tangled around Victor’s knees. It’s another type of gentle control, like holding Victor’s wrists down with orders instead of hands.

He licks his palm and takes Victor’s cock in hand and gives it a few slow tugs. Victor hisses and his eyes flutter shut, so Yuuri drops his hand down and squeezes Victor’s balls. Victor yelps.

“When you stop looking at me, I stop touching you,” he tells Victor. “I need to know– I need to know. I need to see you.”

“You have me,” Victor says.

“I know,” Yuuri says, but that’s not what he means. He means he has to protect Victor and all of the trust that Victor is placing into his palms. This is his responsibility, and he refuses to let himself do wrong by Victor, no matter what it is that Victor asks of him. “I just need to see.”

He wipes his hand off and licks the other one and starts stroking Victor with that one instead. They’re extremely light strokes, just his thumb and forefinger making a circle for Victor to roll his hips up into. Yuuri is afraid of doing it any faster as he leans forward on his knees and fits his thumb to Victor’s pulse and his fingers to Victor’s artery again and he watches as Victor trembles all over and bucks and forces himself still.

Yuuri lets him settle, and then he squeezes, just a little, and counts to ten. His eyes burn into Victor’s the whole time, and Victor can breathe, but he doesn’t. He holds his breath for ten long seconds, and then when Yuuri releases him, all of his breath comes punching out in a high moan and his hips judder violently into Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri lets his palm rest flush against skin again and he strokes Victor slowly, licks his palm again to make it smoother, and lets Victor’s frantic twitching do most of the work.

“Talk to me,” he orders Victor. “Tell me what it’s like.”

“It’s…” Victor says something in Russian, then frowns at himself. He closes his eyes for a second, and Yuuri’s hand stills, as promised. Victor forces his eyelids back up and he trains his hazy gaze on Yuuri. “Grounding?”

“Is it?”

“I thought it would be like floating, but it’s not. I’m so… _here_ ,” Victor says. He stumbles a little on his accent, but Yuuri understands. “You’re keeping me here.”

“Is that good?”

“I would rather be nowhere else,” Victor says honestly.

Yuuri smiles a little, then leans down and kisses Victor. His eyes stay open, and he squeezes the sides of Victor’s throat again, a fraction tighter than before. Victor groans and his hips rock up into Yuuri’s hand. Yuuri only counts to six this time because he can’t see all of Victor’s face, but Victor trembles when he lets go anyway. Yuuri kisses his forehead and sits up again and rubs his knuckles against Victor’s belly.

“Tell me you like it,” he says.

“I like it,” Victor says immediately.

“Tell me how much.”

“It feels so– good, it feels so good and so heavy,” Victor breathes.

“I feel heavy too,” Yuuri agrees.

“You do?”

“Yes. I’m holding all of you in one hand right now.”

Victor’s breath catches again. He swallows and parts his lips, as if he’s going to say something, but there’s not a lot to say to that. Yuuri feels a tremendous weight of responsibility, and a tremendous weight of Victor’s absolute trust, and somehow, he doesn’t get buried under either of them.

“Do you want me to keep touching you?” Yuuri asks after a moment.

Victor’s hips twitch up immediately, like he’d forgotten until just now that they were there. “Please.”

“Do you want me to make you come?”

“Yuuri…”

“Answer me.”

“Yes, make me come, please,” Victor whines. He rocks his hips in a little circle, Yuuri’s grip on his cock tightens and he makes a sharp, bitten off sound. “Please, Yuuri, it’s… it’s very much, it’s…”

He seems overwhelmed, so Yuuri strokes his hair instead. He doesn’t move his hand from Victor’s throat, but he lets his palm rest and be grounding. Victor shudders again and thrusts his hips up into nothing, but Yuuri just hushes him and calms him until he relaxes again.

“Okay?” he asks Victor, pushing Victor’s hair off his forehead.

“I’m okay. It’s alright. I need–” Victor’s hands twitch against the mattress where Yuuri had put them. He's barely moved them once.

Yuuri sees, and he nods. “You can touch me.”

Victor’s hands come down and grip his arms immediately. They aren’t directing at all - he’s just holding on, holding onto himself by holding onto Yuuri. Yuuri gently shifts Victor’s hands up to his shoulders so it doesn’t interfere with anything, and then he reaches down and takes Victor’s cock in his hand again.

“Are you ready?”

“Yes,” Victor breathes.

“Tell me what you want.”

Victor’s jaw works, and then he says, “Choke me until you make me come.”

 _Yuuri_ has to close his eyes at that and just process how weighty and utterly hot such a sentence is, and then he meets Victor’s eyes again and nods. “Good. I will.”

He changes his grip again, lifting his palm up and digging his thumb in under Victor’s jaw. He squeezes and he counts, two strokes a second, and then three. Victor’s hands are like vices on Yuuri’s shoulders, and he’s starting to squirm around a little, thrusting up helplessly into Yuuri’s grip. Yuuri shifts his weight onto Victor’s thighs to pin him down better, but Victor is desperate and he can’t stop moving and there’s nothing Yuuri can do to make him stop. Every squeeze of Victor’s throat just makes him more desperate - he doesn’t seem to care when Yuuri cuts him down to eight seconds, and then six again. He’s quickly losing his mind and Yuuri gets to watch him unravel.

“Are you close?” Yuuri asks softly, on a break.

“ _Yes_ ,” Victor hisses. The muscles in his arms and his abdomen are bulging a little. “ _Yes_.”

“Do you want to come?”

“ _Yuuri_.”

“Tell me.”

“Yes, I want to come, please, make me–”

Yuuri squeezes. Victor’s words cut off and Yuuri twists his wrist sharply and Victor unravels all at once. His eyes finally break from Yuuri’s for the first time as he throws his head back. Yuuri immediately stops putting any sort of pressure on Victor’s neck, but he covers the whole thing with his palm again and that seems to do the trick. Victor spasms hard and comes all over the front of his shirt, which Yuuri had neglected to take off. His voice cracks on a sound– not a word, just a noise of desperation that shudders its way out of his chest. Yuuri feels Victor’s throat working against his hand, feels the muscles and tendons bowstring tight, feels the way Victor swallows and the way he breathes when he finally comes down. His eyes are closed, but he’s still alert, because when Yuuri starts to pull away, he reaches up and catches Yuuri around the back of the neck and tugs him down. Yuuri rolls to the side and narrowly avoids the come, and then he wraps his arms tightly around Victor as Victor takes slow, even breaths.

“Talk to me,” Yuuri says, much more gently than before.

Victor clears his throat a little. “Wow.”

“It was good?”

Victor cracks an eye open and looks at Yuuri, then smiles. “Of course it was good. So intense.” He leans over and kisses Yuuri’s temple, then tugs Yuuri’s hand up to rest on his chest so Yuuri can feel his heartbeat. “It was very good. I loved it.”

“I love you,” Yuuri says, unable to contain it. He feels like a huge weight is being pulled out from inside of him, and it makes him a little shaky too, a little unsteady.

“I know. You take such good care of me,” Victor murmurs. He tucks his head under Yuuri’s chin and hums. “I would be in your hands any day.”

That fills Yuuri's chest with something hot, and he presses his forehead hard against the top of Victor's head. "Thank you," he murmurs. "For letting me be the one to do it."


End file.
